Archery Is Like...

just sayin'
SBW

Hoodrat 'Served'

Not a lot to do with hunting or bushcraft, but an amusing incident

I was standing in the street waiting for a cab, dressed in building site clothes, with a large coil of pipe, a fold-up ladder and a HOOJ toolbox.
A teenage chav with a particularly annoying bum-fluff beard and horrid ball-cap is eyeing me up suspiciously.

Hoodrat: Officer, officer what's your badge number?

I ignore him

Hoodrat: Ay Federale, what you watching me for?

After a while he's joined by two of his little chums, they cross the road and one of them comes up to me

2nd Hoodrat  [pointing at my pile of tools]" these two reckon you're undercover, but I'm not thinkin' that, how would you chase anyone with all-a-diss?

SBW [pointing to stomach] Or with this?

Hoodrat's 2: laughs

Hoodrat: He is he's undercover init!

SBW: [to 2nd hoodrat] If I'm undercover your mate's a real gangster

Hoodrat's 2 and 3 crack up laughing

Hoodrat: Yeah you're funny

2nd Hoodrat: ' Nah blood, face it, you've been served

Hoodrat's 2 and 3 crack up laughing

There SBW 'down with the kids' who'da thunk it?

More soon
SBW

My Daughter The Anti Hunter

I was siting talking to my aunt. The conversation moved on to deer stalking, a sharp pain in my side announced that my daughter [TLB - the littlest bushwacker] was joining the conversation using Full-Contact Sign Language.

TLB: "Daddy STOP killing animals"
SBW: "You liked the venison we ate at Christmas, you didn't complain then"
TLB: " I know daddy, I wanted to say something, but it was so delicious!"

More soon
Your pal
SBW

Super Dad Catches Trout With Bare Hands!

If America was Russia this gent would be the new Putin
You sir are a LEGEND
SBW
PS to anyone who even thinks about crying 'fake' you are a moron

Bug Out Bag : Veteran Style

This contains important real-world advice for anyone who expects to be away from the comforts of home, whether that's on a hunting, fishing, bushcrafting trip or because it's TEOTWAWKI and you're living off the land. It's a must see for the 'middle youth' crowd and will serve as a 'what to except' for the younger guys.
Remember Proper Preparation Prevents .. Accidents.
Have a good weekend
Your pal
SBW

Piers Morgan: 2nd Amendment Scholar

Sorry guys but a deal's a deal: You bought him, you're keeping him.

SBW

Twitter feed is HERE

Deer Crossing Donna

The Deer Crossing Warning sign (W11-3) is used to alert motorists in advance of locations where unexpected entries into the roadway by deer might occur. Size is 24" diamond shape and easily read by deer and motorists alike
A couple of posts ago I asked Deer Collision What Next? Prevention is better than cure right?

The LSP has found a woman on the internet who has all the experience and commonsense required to stop this from happening to other people

Donna has been in three separate accidents involving Deer, she feels its irresponsible to put the signs up on the highway or the interstate. She would like to see the signs moved, so the Deer 'know where to cross'

No one seems to be listening to her. I feel her frustration.

LISTEN HERE

Crazy is as crazy does
Your pal
SBW

Fishing The River Usk Pt4

Look everyone SBW's rod is overshadowed by Lord Hereford's Knob

Every hobby starts with a hat, when stalking deer hats keep you warm and give you something to catch the rounds in when you unload the rifle, when fishing they keep off the sun [and more usually the rain]. Here I'm using a Sombrero as a training aid, the brim largely prevents overhead casting, entraining me in the art of the 'scrappy side cast' which will may put a fly under the overhanging bushes and trees which line the banks of the tributaries.

Opps that's another half hour untangling!

While we're on the subject of untangling I'm not sure if fishing causes divorce but its certainly one of its benefits, various chaps we invited to join us were 'mysteriously' busy after expressing initial enthusiasm.  As we canvased our friends looking for accomplices to join us on the trip, I noticed a new found unpopularity; with our talk of new GF's and fishing trips we were perhaps sounding a little too much like an escape committee, or at the very least Rebel Forces. To be crushed under the jackboots of the Empire.

For those of you who value a committed partnership AND fishing here's a few words of advice:

It’s a stunning summers morning. Three guys are fishing a Trout stream

Guy One:
“You have no idea what I had to promise the mrs to be here. I’m painting BOTH the kids rooms next weekend.”

Guy Two:
“That’s nothing I’m weeding the garden, BEFORE I reorganise her mother’s garage”.

Guys One and Two:
“What did you have to promise”?

Guy Three:
“Suckers, same as last week, I just set the alarm for 3am when it goes off I give her a nudge and say her Frolicking or Fishing? She said ‘Wear a hat, it’s cold out there’”.

On the subject of 'Conchita has left me' and hats. For those of us of a certain age, the Sombrero will always be synonymous with the now much missed 'Bandit' bar of our youth. Remember this one?



More soon
Your pal
SBW

Conversations In Gun Shops Pt1

Been a while, no? Work, money, girls, yah di yah di yah.Getting back into it, more posts to come. Soon.

This one took place a while back, I was dropping an air rifle off for servicing at a well known north london specialist where I found the proprietor standing behind the counter with a look of world weariness barley concealed behind a veneer of shopkeeperly bonhomie.

On the 'punter' side of the counter was blading man in his late forties, wearing those nasty multi coloured beach trousers, a red wife-beater, and three wrist watches. Yep three wrist watches - the internationally recognised symbol of a nutter.

No sooner had I popped my weapon on the counter [really your minds!] when we were somehow conjoined in conversation. Well I say 'conversation' he was ranting and I was nodding in disbelief. The proprietor allowed himself a sigh of relief.

Edited Highlights:

I'm a mercenary.
I've just got back from Egypt.
I was the winner of a gun fight in a police station on the Iraqi border.
I was shot with 7.62x39 rounds here and here [points to cigarette burns on his arm]
The Bedouin saved me by giving me 13 pints of their own blood.
I'm on my way to Hollywood
I'm an armourer for the movies
You can read all about it in my forthcoming book.

By now I'm backing towards the door, 3watches' eyes are getting wilder as he warms to his subject

3watches: 'You can tell them you've met The Bear'
SBW: 'Rest assured, I will'

More soon
SBW

Dozy Bitch (Stay Calm The Four Legged Kind)

Big shout to Sir Hiss who found this one, very funny and safe for work too. For once.
Thanks to everyone who has been sending me books, I'll be posting reviews as I read through the pile
Stay tuned for a new series of posts, a pile of new gear reviews from the 'super cheap' to the 'HOW MUCH!!!', and some nose-to-tail eating
SBW

Bear Grylls - Omnivore

bear grylls - born shit eater from twobob.tv on Vimeo.
NSFW - unless work is plumbing I guess
Silly, yet somehow, silly.

More soon
SBW

Japanese Deer Sign

This afternoon I took a leaf out of Chad's book and spent some time aimlessly surfing the internet for things that would excite my imagination, and perhaps prompt a wry smile to break across your face dear reader. I'll admit that my find on Boing Boing wasn't as WICKED AWSOME as his, but of course Chad gets paid for it and I'm doing it [for you] for free. Just sayin' 's all.

Anyway back to the picture I found: I was heartened to see that there is still one first world country that expects it's people to have what I believe was once known as 'common sense'. Novel idea huh?

Your pal
SBW

Before We Laugh - Bushcraft Divorce

Before we laugh we should spare a thought for brave Nicole



This is a salutary lesson in how far a man's obbsessions will take him.
It's a brave man who'll admit his mistakes.
It's a daft man who'd take his girlfriend on an experimental snow camping trip!
Or as Nelson Muntz would say Ha Ha!

I feel so uncharitble, but I can't stop laughing.
SBW
PS thanks to Andy at upnorthica who found this one.