Wednesday, 2 September 2009

In France Hunting Pr0n

The chef, writer , and wag Anthony Bourdain once said that you could tell a lot about a country by the food it eats and the pr0n it makes. I'd like to add to that list. Hunting magazines are also a window into the national physic. If anyone ever asks me if i'd like anything brought home I tell them 'Hunting mags and dried pork products'.

I love hunting magazines for several reasons: the adventure stories, the kit reviews (because as regular readers will know I'm a sad kit-tart), and then there's the shameless dichotomy between the editorial standpoints of 'guardians of a noble tradition, champions of the simple life' and sell 'em a gadget to get the advertisers in'. Love it!

While manly hunters mock girly fashion magazines they miss the point that the two genre's have grown out of a common desire - to sell advertising space.

First hemlines will rise, then they will fall, _____ will be the new black, the first lady will first be elegant, then too thin, then too fat, before being found to have the dress sense of a cockney builder and the hair of a fishwife. Products and advice in next months issue will rectify these and other concerns.

Meanwhile: Camo will be photo realistic and change seasonaly, last years 'fleece technology' wont cut it this year, chokes will tighten, then be unnecessary, shotguns will get lighter, then they'll get heavier to soak up 'felt recoil', fleece will be out - wool back in, you like your .270? Have you considered a .280 yet? Here's a _____ made better by the addition of some photos of leaves. Products and advice in next months issue will rectify these and other concerns.

In short if there's a chance of selling a double page spread to an advertiser, X will be the new Y and no one will ever know how we managed without it [for all these thousands of years].

Here's a round up of what I learned reading french hunting magazines by the pool

This year
  • Could be THE year!!!!!!
  • Ammo's a helluva price these days
  • Barrels will be a little shorter
  • Cartridges a little larger
  • Blaze orange is the must have colour of the season.
  • Scent suppressing clothing is to be mocked.
  • Knives are getting longer again and some come with a take down spear handle.
  • Custom rifles aren't selling, as off-the -shelf now offers what was until recently not-at-any-price accuracy for a lot less cash.
  • Take down rifles are the next big thing - convenient for the hunter to transport - convenient for the manufacturer to sell you another barrel for next year's cartridge.
  • American rifles offer fantastic value for money, but if you had the cash you'd go german wouldn't you?
  • Czech is somewhere in between.
  • Tikka are so good for the money what's the point of SAKO?
If your hunting magazine is offering you any more please let us know.
Your Pal

PS we're all waiting impatiently for Alberts review of english hunting magazines.
It's only been a year or so since I sent them to him.