Tuesday, 30 July 2013

Crap Outdoors Pt 5


Hear that scraping sound? Welcome to the bottom of the barrel, a place where no-one will be expected to walk and chew gum at the same time. Traveling by hand-cart we have arrived in hell.

We've seen sophisticated solutions to non-existent problems before, but really people WTF! How did we get to the spoon-fed point where the outdoorsman is so insecure that he needs a weather tool to tell which way the wind blows? Sheesh! and Sheesh! again. Big wind socks for aerodromes, little flags for rifle ranges, yep I can see that, but by the bones of Ishi, what kind of lackwit would buy this piece of crap? And it's $25 box!

Firefly (originally dubbed, "Windetector") was born out of necessity. We developed and used the powder "puffers" 15 years ago and they worked fine for the most part, as long as it was light out, there wasn't any snow on the ground (contrast of the powder color with snow was difficult to see), and they didn't get clogged up. They were functional but simply didn't meet our needs so we set out to develop an electronic approach. Firefly is the result of nearly 3 years of technological research and development. It's the result of a major investment in electrical engineering married to a form factor and mechanical design that assures precise measurement every time. This electronic instrument works and it can't be fooled. Firefly is not a gimmick, it's not a toy! It will determine wind thermals and light drifts down to two inches per second" - Tom Galley

He's either delusional, or a genius. If he really has spent the last 15 years separating suckers from their cash by selling them a tube of powder to puff into the air I have to concede its probably the latter.

But wait there's more

Hunters fully understand the importance of knowing wind direction. Whether you're a big game hunter, waterfowl hunter or predator hunter, few things are as important as wind direction.

That's why we made a model for all types of hunters.

Erhm, 'all types' excluding: the type who go outside, the type who have skin and of course, the type who are familiar with the bleedin' obvious. Sheesh! and Sheesh! again.

Gather a seed from a plant that uses air-borne distribution - ie the seeds are mounted on a piece of fluff that floats in a tiny breeze - and super glue one stand of the 'fluff' to something you'll have with you on the day, like a rifle or bow perhaps. Take the $49.95 (+ $24.95 for a box) and spend it on strong drink to numb the pain of life at the bottom of the barrell. It's not a permanent solution but it'll at least offer some respite.

More soon
SBW
1st seen on the excellent Hog Blog



6 comments:

Ron said...

Commerce my dear fiend... Commerce.
There are always dumb asses who buy this crap; the huntergatherers of the latest, the greatest, shiniest, blingblingiest gadgets, preferable with as little practicle use as possible. The outdoorcommunity is filled with morons like that. Tons of wannabe hunters, bushcrafters and who knows what else they call themselves buy this junk, toss it in a drawer and hunt on for the next shiny....

Phillip said...

Thought I was a little snarky about it, Sten, but damn you lay it right on out there! Nice work!

It makes you wonder sometimes, how hunters ever killed an animal before the advent of high-tech camo, scent killers, electronic gizmos for everything from range finding to blood trailing and scent elimination. So much stuff for such an elemental activity...

Ah well... without things like this, what would we write about?

The Suburban Bushwacker said...

Ron

I'm just about the worst kit tart in existence, but there are limits!
SBW

The Suburban Bushwacker said...

Phillip

Thanks man, hope to see you for those drinks soon
SBW

Sahil said...

Clearly, licking one's own finger and sticking it in the air is out of the question. I saw this being peddled on tv by some generic hunting show, maybe Hank Parker's. Obviously, deer have adapted to the scent of licked fingers wagging in the air so the advent of this device has come at the most crucial of times!

^_^

-sahil

The Suburban Bushwacker said...

Sahil

I hope to see one mounted on the handlebars of your cafe racer, (right next to the ashtray) vital, vital I tell you
SBW