Thursday, 15 July 2010

For Fun - Writing Cozya Want To

Lots of us write blogs, not that we have any feasible hope of pecuniary gain, but first for the satisfaction of getting something down on the page, then because the unexpected approval of strangers is such a thrill, and then as the list of posts grows to take those first often faltering steps: new subjects and new styles of writing.

You know who you hope you write like, but is there a scientific way, a 'fair and balanced' way to find out who you actually write like? Take the paragraph above:

Do I have the voice of a man who was regarded as a churner-out of populist crud for the worst kind of 'penny dreadful' but now all these years later has 'classic' and 'textbook' status? We fished the same river maybe there was someting in the water?

'Check what famous writer you write like with this statistical analysis tool, which analyzes your word choice and writing style and compares them to those of the famous writers.

Any text in English will do: your latest blog post, journal entry, comment, chapter of your unfinished book, etc. For reliable results paste at least a few paragraphs (not tweets).'

Here's the link - let us know who you write like

Our First Hunt got me Margaret Mitchell - not too shabby, but frankly my dear ........ I don't give a damn

Hmmm-Bushwacker  James Joyce -  I fear those big words which make us so unhappy

I just Play One On TV Chuck Palahniuk - You wanna fight about this? Tuesday next is good for me, bring a friend.

Who'd have thought that Albert's Charged - Hog Hunting at It Finest would come out as Margaret Atwood?

Your pal


PS Chad, that last email - You're David Foster Wallace! LOL


hodgeman said...

I seem to be primarily a David Foster Wallace with a smattering of Dan Brown and Margaret Atwood...

Not sure how I feel about that.

The Suburban Bushwacker said...


hate to be a nag - but how about a bit of blogging? I miss your writing.

NorCal Cazadora said...

I'm also a Wallace writer, apparently, with a Palahniuk and Atwood thrown in.

Anonymous said...

I did three, just for good measure and the results: 1-Douglas Adams, 2-Douglas Adams, and 3-Vladimir Nabokov! lol!

The Suburban Bushwacker said...

How's it go?
Great minds think alike
Idiots seldom differ?


The Suburban Bushwacker said...


Douglas Adams! Way to go Kari

Murphyfish said...

Arthur C Clark is apparently now the author of my last post, well who'd have believed it?

The Suburban Bushwacker said...

Murphy Fish

Arthur C Clark!

'The only way of finding the limits of the blogable is by going beyond them into the un-blogable.

Phillip said...

Four tries, four voices:

First up was Stephen King.
Next was Vladimir Nabokov
Something more recent got me a Dan Brown
And Monday's post got me a David Foster Wallace.

The Suburban Bushwacker said...

Great isn't it?
How intelligent do we all feel now!


Hippo said...

Plugged in five articles of mine one at a time to get my 'best out of five':

Kurt Vonnegut, Cory Doctorow, James Joyce, Cory Doctorow, Cory Doctorow.

Number one then: A Canadian born to Trotskyites and raised in a Jewish activist household.

Number two: Chronic wanderlust and an alcoholic frivolous with money... Some serious similarities there but unlike Joyce, I am neither scared of dogs nor lightning.

Number three: A half German ex soldier and later volounteer fire fighter who carved his name on the underside of the desk on which he wrote many of his short stories. I am a half German ex soldier and have woken up to the sight of the underside of my desk on many occasions (and the upturned chair from which I collapsed) but was never in a condition to perform anything as delicate and artistic as carving.

The revelation of this exercise is that I have not read any of their works. I have heard of Ulysses and Slaughterhouse Five (Doctorow is new to me) but have never actually read any of them so will now get onto Amazon and order a spread of books.

Based on the best out of five above though, looks like I should be writing science fiction.

How hard could that be? Some tart clad in skin tight leathers, side kick of the well tooled Eternal Soldier, together fighting inter-galactic injustice.

I'll know I have made it, however, when I plug in an extract of my stuff and it comes back telling me I write like Tom Gowans.

The Suburban Bushwacker said...


Slaughter house is the acknowledged classic but while you're ordering try Cat Cradle - my favorite KV.

I must confess to being a little behind in my joyce reading myself

African sci-fi! Now that's a genre!


Steve Bodio said...

I put in a big chunk (5 pages) of my latest work in progress, about my Asian hounds, and got Nabokov-!

I know some of your readers and commenters have read my books- curious what they think about that- CHAD?

The Suburban Bushwacker said...


Nabokov - I would like to spare the time and effort of hack reviewers and, generally, persons who move their lips when reading.

But it's always nice to know what the readers of this blog think!
PS I didn't know you were a reader - gotta say i'm a little flattered

Hippo said...


Cat's Cradle, wilco. KV seems to have almost exclusively five star ratings on Amazon and there are spaces on my bookshelves (left by 'friends' who have borrowed books and failed to return them, damn their eyes) that need filling with some decent stuff.

I also looked up Mr Bodio. Looks like I will be adding Eagle's Dreams to the shopping basket.

The trouble I have is getting the books to Angola. The only guaranteed way is DHL but the last box of books I bought was £200 carriage, nearly three times the value of the books! The next best way is to identify someone due out here and send them the books in the hope they can hand carry them out. If anyone is wondering about a normal postal service, there isn't one. Years ago, I organised myself a post box at the main post office and after months of checking and receiving nothing, I gave up. Last week I received a bundle of mail dating back to 2005. I don't think I want to wait five years for these books or lash oout an eyewatering amount so I will try and find some poor donkey.

Steve Bodio said...

Constant-- I should comment more!

The Suburban Bushwacker said...


Also worth a look is player piano - KV's first book - not really in the style we know as KV but really good.

Hmm I fancy a bit of foreign travel - need a plumber?


The Suburban Bushwacker said...


That's great to hear, please comment whenever you've the time and inclination. This blog runs on double espresso's (hence the various standards of posts) and comments by esteemed readers.


Hippo said...


Plumbers (and brickies, joiners and anyone else that can mix and cast concrete) can make a fortune here. The guys here learnt their trade from the Pork and Cheese (Portuguese) so they still use steel tubing and the sort of couplings last used by Brunel. They have no idea of the advantages of gravity and use ground level tanks with the water pressure fired up by electric pumps, ideal for a country that has a power supply as erratic as Mandelson's recollections. Copper? They know what copper is. It is that metal they nick from the distribution cables, another reason we do not have electricity, but as a material for plumbing with all its advantages of malleability, ease of installation and as a bactericide you might as well stuff a length of micro bore up yer nose and bash your head on the table. To seal the joints, they use what can only be described as strands from shredded coconut husks. I could go on for hours. I effing hate Angolan plumbers. And Brickies. And lawyers.

And planning authorities. I ensured I did everything by the book, totally according to the law. I have a piece of prime real estate and I am not going to lose it because of corner cutting. I pay my land taxes and I am considerate of my neighbours. Now some dirt bag official tells me that there is a new law requiring all privately bought land to be re bought off the state at dollar per square metre. Just the restaurant is two hectares, the farm is massive. Bastards.

Anyway, back to building. If I thought I could get you a work visa, I'd have you out here like a shot and, along with the brickie and joiner I would ask you to bring, we could set up our own company and rake it in.

It's the work visas. We'd be tumbled in weeks without them.

You said your blog, and suggested that the many comments thereon, are fuelled by coffee. This comment is fuelled by Passport Scotch, flavoured with lashings of rage and to cap it all, it is past midnight, I live in the middle of nowhere and I have run out of cigarettes.

It is going to be a really toss night.

The Suburban Bushwacker said...


Scotch but no fags, bah!

Shame about the visa stuff sounds like the perfect place to set up shop!


Matthew Brown said...

Corey Doctorow, James Joyce, Mario Puzo and Arthur Clarke for me. I've read loads of Joyce but noting by the rest of them. Very amusing website

The Suburban Bushwacker said...

Good to hear from you fella, let me know when you're next in town