Thursday, 24 June 2010

Talking Bollocks And Eating Testicles

A while back I used to go to a butchers shop owned by a man who was both a born-again-Christian and a Chelsea fan. Two subjects that were always to hand in his conversational arsenal. We enjoyed a fairly lively  banter over the Gloustershire Old-Spot sausages.

Bushwacker Jr. and I had taken up his entreaty to 'try crocodile - it's weird' and it was - not like chicken at all - actually a lot like Conger Eel. We also tried Kuhdu from his african range - very lean - deer-like but more irony if that makes any sense at all. I knew from previous visits that he liked to have pre-prepared banter, witticisms that he'd worked up on other customers, so one afternoon I thought I'd try some of my material on him. I strode into the shop, the door bell announcing my arrival, as the smile of recognition broke across his face i hit him right between the eyes with this one.

SBW: This Time [pause for dramatic effect] I'm Talking Bollocks!
Butcher: LOL 'I may have some [dramatic pause of his own] that you can take away with you'......

For readers overseas: While bollocks [or bollox] are testicles there are other meanings too.

Your bollocks/his Bollocks - testicles
Oh bollocks - distress or dissatisfaction
Some Bollocks - information of dubious veracity
Talking bollocks - a purveyor of erroneous or un wanted information
The Bollocks - the best, a perfect example
A bollocking - a telling off - usually delivered at some considerable volume


And in Eire 'You bollocks' - a stupid person

........Wiping the tears from his eyes he rummaged in the bottom of one of his freezers and produced half a pair "you can have it - just let me know how you cooked it"

I steamed it whole, peeled off the outer membrane, sliced, coated it in breadcrumbs deep fried it and served the 'nuggets' with a sweet chili sauce. Yummy. You know what? They're good, really good. So I was delighted to read that Kristeva, regular commenter on this blog, who writes the excellent Howling Duck Ranch had been on an unusual date.

More soon
Your pal
SBW

PS: Legend has it that the Spartans were great believers in eating Sheep's bollocks - reputed to contain a generous dose of a steroid now totally illegal in modern Olympic competition.

19 comments:

NorCal Cazadora said...

Ya know, I recently saw an episode of Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern in which he described the bull testicles he was eating in Baja California. He told the chef, "I like it when food tastes like where it come from, and these definitely taste like they came from a cow's crotch." Mmmmmmmmm... Yeah.... Maybe someday, but not soon after a crack like that!

The Suburban Bushwacker said...

Norcal
What a mug - if anything Bulls Balls tasted even better than that Pigs Plumb. Good eating, really.
SBW

Chad Love said...

They're called calf fries (cow, though, not sheep) and are a pretty normal item on the menu around here, and they're pretty tasty, too...

When you come over I'll treat you...

Bill said...

Rocky Mountain Oysters? I'll pass. lol

The Suburban Bushwacker said...

Chad

Washed down with duty free whiskey yumm
SBW

The Suburban Bushwacker said...

Bill
you don't know what you're missing. Well you know WHAT but not how good they taste, ask Chad!
SBW

Cork Graham said...

This is truly the bloody bollocks, SBW--I'm wiping my own eyes as I laugh, too!

...and duty free holy water, too. I'll try that the next time I get my hands on a buck's bollocks, split and fry the Rocky Mountain oysters.

Cheers,
Cork

Cork's Outdoors said...

I'm wiping my own eyes in laughter--truly the blooyd bollocks!

Hopefully I don't slice my hand open trying to get the rocky mountain oysters off my next buck.

Murphyfish said...

SBW,
Excellent post my good man, you do have a talent for raising a smile.
Regards,
John

The Suburban Bushwacker said...

Cork

Always a good idea to keep the holy water handy, for medicinal purposes you understand. Let us know what archery black tail bollox taste like?
SBW

The Suburban Bushwacker said...

John St Murphyfish

Thanks fella, more nonsense as it happens
SBW

Wendy said...

I had a discussion the other day with a woman who is quite the food snob. She won't try anything that's not cellophane wrapped from the grocery store or highly processed and in a cardboard container.

Case in point, my husband brought her a milkweed flower, which she (sort of) politely refused, and while she ate them, she kind of turned up her nose at the freshly picked strawberries we brought her one day.

So, she asked me, "Do you eat anything someone gives you?" and I answered, "If I trust the person giving it to me."

Then, I said I wouldn't eat mountain oysters.

After this post, I'm thinking I might have to rescind my comment and give 'em a try. Care to hop across the pond and cook some up for us?

The Suburban Bushwacker said...

Wendy

People like that! What can I say? I have to stop myself cursing their pathetic behavior, i actually pity them - their world is so small.

I may well be able to drop by for dinner, i'm planning to be in Maine hunting rabbits on snowshoes (we'll be wearing the snow shoes not the rabbits) with another blogger later in the year.

Keep well
SBW

Leigh said...

SBW,
I had to snicker as I read your post. I have always pride myself as far as being the "open minded" type... but I have to say that may push the limits... perhaps if I didnt have to prepare them, I would be just fine. :)
Thanks for such and entertaining post.
-Leigh

Tovar said...

That is quite a post, SBW. ;-)

Hope to catch you State-side sometime!

The Suburban Bushwacker said...

leigh

Glad you liked it, thanks for commenting, i only do it for the approval ;-)

SBW

The Suburban Bushwacker said...

Tovar

Cheers man, maybe later in the year, what are we having for dinner?
SBW

Coloradocasters said...

Excellent writing on this one and I enjoyed it quite a bit. We fancy the Rocky Mountain Oysters...breaded testies dipped in coctail sauce. Gator isn't too shabby but I have yet to have it fresh. Fantastic post!

The Suburban Bushwacker said...

Coloradocasters

Thanks. I really liked them, and one day hope to do a spot of gator hunting/eating with Albert the Chief Chronicler - i'll be sure to let you know how it works out

SBW