Salmon On The Tay, With Andy Richardson

My old pal and mentor Andy has been up to his old tricks again, showing the TV folk how its done. This time he's guiding us for Salmon on the river Tay.
More Soon
SBW

Andy Richardson: Goose Hunting In Scotland

My pal Andy Richardson is something of a legend amongst sportsman traveling north of the border, with an impressive track record of guiding for lowland Roe deer and Pink-Leg Geese. What a lot of people dont know is that Andy is as handy with a camera as he is with Rod, Gun and Rifle.

Last year Andy and Myself took comedian Paul Merton for a few wee jaunts in the Kingdom of Fife with, err, amusing results. You can read all about it..

How To Get On TV

Fieldsports In Scotland Part One

Recently he's been rifling though his address book to put together a video archive of Scotland's leading sportsman showing their passions and techniques. This time of year the chaps are hard at it Goose shooting over the beet crops.

I'll be posting more of Andy's videos as the series develops.

To join Andy for a days sport, pop me an email [contacts at top of page] and I'll put you in touch with him. Some lucky sports might even have dinner cooked by me waiting for them at the end of the day! and if you're very good we'll take you 'Estuary Rabbit Hunting'.

More as soon as I find the time to write it up
SBW

How To Get On TV

The Magic of TV: standing on a beach watching a plane pretend to land, so you can pretend to be on it.

A Little while ago this blog got me the chance to be on the TV. Appearing with Paul Merton a comedian who I've been a massive fan of for years. Aside from his weekly satirical news show he also has a travel show and for its last series was exploring what he could get up to close to home. Somehow the production company had hooked up with that 'consumate outdoorsman', blogger, wild and crazy force of nature, goose guide, and gamekeeper Andy Richardson. He pointed the TV folk in my direction. And there hangs a tale.

It's morning and you find me drinking coffee, staring into the middle distance, I'm at home wondering where my next job is coming from when I get an email from a girl I've never heard of who works at a TV company I have heard of 'CALL ME URGENTLY" she says. I take a break from my busy schedule of looking out of the window and scratching my arse to give her a ring. She wants to know about the SBW blog, luckily its my favorite subject so I tell her a bit about it, and because she works in TV and therefore thinks in pictures I email her some pictures. She sounds interested but is obviously not the decision maker.
I engage the 'did I mention I'm 40 and I've heard it all before' part of my brain, put the whole thing out of my mind, and go to make more coffee. Later that day I get Andy on the phone, I've convinced myself this is just another dead-end, but to my surprise Andy seems to think its all happening, so much for the dour Scots gamekeeper image.

A week or so later I'm on a client visit to Hell [aka Ikea], the client is suffering from option paralysis in the kitchen section and I'm dreaming of coffee and a danish when the phone rings. Its TV Chick

TV Chick: Can my boss take you out to lunch?
SBW: Sweetheart anybody can take me out to lunch

On the day itself I've been doing plumbing call outs in the morning but I manage to squeeze in getting a hair cut, then it occurs to me THEY THINK IN PICTURES so I nip home to the pile of mud encrusted  clothes left in a pile on the floor the last time I returned from hunting deer. They really are encrusted, by the time I'm sitting in the marble lobby of the TV company's office there is trail of dried mud leading to my seat. They wanted deer hunter I'm giving them 'deer hunter'.

Over lunch we talk about the star of the show 'a hypercondriac from the suburbs', the producer and director have just done a location visit so we talk about Scotland, we have a laugh about Midges being scotland's apex predator, and some how manage to skirt round the fact that I have no idea what wild and crazy force of nature Andy has told them!

Lunch is a mid price steak house - which gives me the opportunity to casually tell them I only eat steaks when out, ' at home I only eat wild meat I've shot '. I manage to do this with a straight face - They wanted hunter I'm giving them 'hunter'.

I'd sent them a link to The Best of SBW which of course they hadn't read. After I'd answered their questions, and told a few tales something happens which seems to make a difference. Regular readers will remember the time I got Scope Bite from a Muzzle Loader, I still have a bump on my skull. If I tell the tale I usually offer a audience the chance to  feel the bump, as its next to my eye for both our comfort I say 'give me your finger' and put it in place. This time the director was already reaching out for a feel before I got to the end of the tale. Once he'd verified its existence his face took on the satisfaction of a schoolboy in the presence of a 'gnarly scar' and quietly said "best not tell Paul about that". The presence of this wound seems to add veracity to everything else I've told them and at this point they start talking about me being with them in Scotland as though its happening.

I'm still not rising to the bait. Did I mention that I'm forty and I've not only heard it all before but come out with most of it too? I'll believe it when I see it.

When I get home Andy has already posted on his Facebook group that I'm on my way. I call Andy who is full of enthusiasm and tells me how much the film crew loved it when he told them about how I'm an unstoppable optimist who lived as a homeless person foraging the canal paths of London. For three years. 'You told them WHAT?' 'Well y'are, you're always so optimistic"

Ten days later I'm standing in the carpark of a dairy farm re-doing voice overs for the director, as we finish we say our goodbyes and he adds "From the first moment I saw you I knew it was going to work, there you were 'Hunter: Straight from central casting'"

More Soon
Your pal
SBW
PS You can see the episode Andy and I are in here and I'll tell you the rest of the tale another time.


Some Observations About TV People
1. They are simple people - they think in pictures and cliches. Complexity doesn't lend itself to TV. Keep it simple and keep it sexy or their eyes will glaze over.

2. They are not malicious bullshitters, they just appear so - to them every option has the same value until the last minute when a snap decision is made and all other options are dropped in a mad rush to get the camera's rolling. Lots of people will be contacted, very few will end up on screen.

3. They cant read. [OK I exaggerate they 'can' but don't.]

4. They are very very proud to be working in TV, but it is totally against the rules to show any kind of delight - they must be seen to be working very hard. Any shows of excitement or enthusiasm will reveal you as a total naive and not 'one of us'. So they can appear a bit sniffy to non-TV real people.

5.The Director: probably the best job in the world. you get to be an inquisitive child 90% of the time and the other 10% you get your demands met. Nice work if you can get it!

6.The Producer: Its all on your shoulders, but you've got a small army to make sure it works out. You must encourage the director, stop money being spent and get stuff on tape that'll look good on screen.

7.The Director and Producer roles in TV aren't nearly as glamourous as they sound - think middle management in trendy shoes.

8.The Girls Who Can: without the teams of competent young woman the whole thing would fall down in an instant. Shrewd-eyed and extremely motivated; with the opportunism of pirates and the organisational skills of the german army, if they weren't making TV they'd be running the world - underestimate them at your peril.

Paul Merton Meets The Suburban Bushwacker

Do you remember when I went to Scotland during the summer? Finally the embargo is lifted and I can tell you a bit more about the trip. Well, I will tell you a bit more about the trip, but first if you can get UK TV you can see me and Andy on Channel 5 this wednesday at 10pm UK time.

More - oh so much more- soon
Your pal (and TV personality)
SBW

Field Sports In Scotland Pt.8

Bewitched, entranced, fascinated. By the side of the river he trotted as one trots, when very small, by the side of a man who holds one spell-bound by exciting stories; and when tired at last, he sat on the bank, while the river still chattered on to him, a babbling procession of the best stories in the world, sent from the heart of the earth to be told at last to the insatiable sea. 

Ahh the sights and sounds of the river bank; the flutter-by of butterflies, the magic of the rods flex as it loads with the energy it's going to use to flick the line out, the babble of the river, the misanthropic mutterings of the Andy, and the delightful scent of DEET on the breeze. Ahhhhh.

The last of my adventures afield in the Kingdom of Fife (for the time being) took us in search of that magical fish the Sea Trout. Andy and I drove to a river he's fished for years, where water tumbles down from the hills breaking through the soil and out into the Firth of Forth.  Our quarry is making the journey in the other direction, having once spawned in the same waters we patrolled, the Sea Trout are returning to complete the cycle, some of them having attained truely impressive sizes.  On arrival we caught up with Gordon the Water Bailiff - armed with a spinning rig and soft lures in the style of  Sand Eels. His reports were encouraging; He had already landed his 'toon-fash' of the season, and witnessed a twenty-pounder caught by another chap. We held high hopes of a trip to the smoking service with our bounty. Yeah right.

Wether it was my; poor technique, general englishness, or 'sheer-suburban-uselessness' Andy wasn't sure, so he alternated between them and threw in a few other forms of blame for good measure. 

Alas I was once again unable to close the deal with the wild foods of Fife.

As usual our kit pendulumed between the home-made and the high tech, Andy pairing an £800 super rod with one of the skanky-ist spinning reels its been my displeasure to see/use in a long long time. Ever keen to reenforce national stereotypes Andy indignantly leapt to its defence "what do you mean? I paid Ten Pounds for that!" 

Other Bushcrafters had been there before us

 Almost 16C [aka 60.6F] measured with the plumbers non-contact thermometer.
How's that for kit-tart fishing tackle!

It was the kind of idyllic afternoon that fly fishing is made for, the cares of the world were far far away, occasionally a Brown Trout would jump from the water, and despite Andy's prediction I actually came back with one fly more than I set out with!

"Beyond the Wild Wood comes the Wide World," said the Rat. "And that's something that doesn't matter, either to you or me. I've never been there, and I'm never going, nor you either, if you've got any sense at all."

More soon

SBW

Field Sports In Scotland Pt.3

After our detour to the home of golf arrived at Andy's place where LongSword who had been shooting pigeons over wheat and had a stack waiting to be cooked up. He's been plucking them outside and claimed that the blizzard of feathers had been caused when the dogs had got at them. This picture was taken AFTER he'd 'tidied up'.

We feasted on the day's bag. The recipe couldn't be simpler, Pigeon breasts wrapped in Parma Ham seared until the ham is crispy and then left to stand in the oven a 100c for about 20 mins, served with potato salad. And beers.

The next morning I was woken from a deep sleep on the couch to be told people from Andy's Facebook group were demanding I be roused by the cold water method. Fearing that Andy's Facebook pals would lead him into bad ways we packed some sarnies and headed out.

Note: Secondary use for Gear stick - Dog-Chew

Andy dropped Longsword and myself off and we set up on the edge of our second choice of field,
the first being occupied by an Italian shooter we named 'Perazzi'. He was either the most productive Pigeon shooter ever or was rivalling even me for fudged chances, we reckoned he had a semi-auto as we only heard him fire a single shot once in the whole afternoon, and sometimes letting loose strings of four and five shots.

 Longsword had bought a 'Pigeon Magnet' with him. 

Its a car windscreen whipper's motor attached to two arms which rotate.

 You put a pair of the Pigeons you shot the day before on them and from above they imitate the wheeling of two birds coming in to feed.

Longsword was kind enough to lend me this Belgian 20 gauge Side-by-side. 

We spent an excellent afternoon, shooting the breeze, telling tales, and shooting pigeons, well Longsword shot pigeons, I shot fresh air and distinguished myself with an all time low score of 24 for none, zero, zilch  nothing, Nada.

The Excusses: a litany

1. I've not fired a shotgun in about three years
2. The gun was a very poor fit
3. The Coyote god was playing tricks on me
4. It was Longswords birthday and I didn't want to show him up

That's my story and I'm sticking to it
More soon
Your pal
SBW

Field Sports In Scotland Pt. 2

After the mornings chores were dispatched, I crossed scotland to meet up with Andy from Safari In Scotland and our new friend the blogger LongSword

Ah Dr Richardson, I presume

A short detour: We drove across the 18th hole at St Andrews

I am not against golf, since I cannot but suspect it keeps armies of the unworthy from discovering trout.

- Paul O'Neil

More soon

SBW

Field Sports In Scotland Pt.1

It's A Clue, Init

If yesterdays phone calls are to be believed this weeks posts will be from the highlands. I'm heading due north to Scotland on a secret mission which I'll tell you about later. The good news is there's not much to do, so I'm skiving off to meet Andy Richardson from Safari in Scotland for a Short Walk in the Highland Kush, some wild food, and if his nerves can take it, he's offered to give me a few pointers for my fly fishing.

Emergency services have been alerted, the Scottish parliament recalled from their summer break,  medical and legal professionals are standing by.

While we chat on the phone every so often we've never actually met. Andy's been a long time suporter and reader of the blog from back in the days when he used to blog for Sporting Shooter magazine's blog ring. As the name Safari in Scotland suggests he's Mr Fieldsports north of the border with access to over 1,000,000 acres of shooting land.  Andy is a a known killer with Gun, Rod and Rifle while I'm distinguished only by my ability to turn fly lines into birds nests, and as a known flincher with gun and rifle.

This is also a great chance to do some gear tests, make trout laugh, and catch a few breaths of the fresh stuff in the only really wild parts left on these islands.

Let the chaos commence adventure begin

SBW