Thursday, 24 June 2010

Talking Bollocks And Eating Testicles

A while back I used to go to a butchers shop owned by a man who was both a born-again-Christian and a Chelsea fan. Two subjects that were always to hand in his conversational arsenal. We enjoyed a fairly lively  banter over the Gloustershire Old-Spot sausages.

Bushwacker Jr. and I had taken up his entreaty to 'try crocodile - it's weird' and it was - not like chicken at all - actually a lot like Conger Eel. We also tried Kuhdu from his african range - very lean - deer-like but more irony if that makes any sense at all. I knew from previous visits that he liked to have pre-prepared banter, witticisms that he'd worked up on other customers, so one afternoon I thought I'd try some of my material on him. I strode into the shop, the door bell announcing my arrival, as the smile of recognition broke across his face i hit him right between the eyes with this one.

SBW: This Time [pause for dramatic effect] I'm Talking Bollocks!
Butcher: LOL 'I may have some [dramatic pause of his own] that you can take away with you'......

For readers overseas: While bollocks [or bollox] are testicles there are other meanings too.

Your bollocks/his Bollocks - testicles
Oh bollocks - distress or dissatisfaction
Some Bollocks - information of dubious veracity
Talking bollocks - a purveyor of erroneous or un wanted information
The Bollocks - the best, a perfect example
A bollocking - a telling off - usually delivered at some considerable volume


And in Eire 'You bollocks' - a stupid person

........Wiping the tears from his eyes he rummaged in the bottom of one of his freezers and produced half a pair "you can have it - just let me know how you cooked it"

I steamed it whole, peeled off the outer membrane, sliced, coated it in breadcrumbs deep fried it and served the 'nuggets' with a sweet chili sauce. Yummy. You know what? They're good, really good. So I was delighted to read that Kristeva, regular commenter on this blog, who writes the excellent Howling Duck Ranch had been on an unusual date.

More soon
Your pal
SBW

PS: Legend has it that the Spartans were great believers in eating Sheep's bollocks - reputed to contain a generous dose of a steroid now totally illegal in modern Olympic competition.

19 comments:

  1. Ya know, I recently saw an episode of Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern in which he described the bull testicles he was eating in Baja California. He told the chef, "I like it when food tastes like where it come from, and these definitely taste like they came from a cow's crotch." Mmmmmmmmm... Yeah.... Maybe someday, but not soon after a crack like that!

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  2. Norcal
    What a mug - if anything Bulls Balls tasted even better than that Pigs Plumb. Good eating, really.
    SBW

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  3. They're called calf fries (cow, though, not sheep) and are a pretty normal item on the menu around here, and they're pretty tasty, too...

    When you come over I'll treat you...

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  4. Rocky Mountain Oysters? I'll pass. lol

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  5. Chad

    Washed down with duty free whiskey yumm
    SBW

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  6. Bill
    you don't know what you're missing. Well you know WHAT but not how good they taste, ask Chad!
    SBW

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  7. This is truly the bloody bollocks, SBW--I'm wiping my own eyes as I laugh, too!

    ...and duty free holy water, too. I'll try that the next time I get my hands on a buck's bollocks, split and fry the Rocky Mountain oysters.

    Cheers,
    Cork

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  8. I'm wiping my own eyes in laughter--truly the blooyd bollocks!

    Hopefully I don't slice my hand open trying to get the rocky mountain oysters off my next buck.

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  9. SBW,
    Excellent post my good man, you do have a talent for raising a smile.
    Regards,
    John

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  10. Cork

    Always a good idea to keep the holy water handy, for medicinal purposes you understand. Let us know what archery black tail bollox taste like?
    SBW

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  11. John St Murphyfish

    Thanks fella, more nonsense as it happens
    SBW

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  12. I had a discussion the other day with a woman who is quite the food snob. She won't try anything that's not cellophane wrapped from the grocery store or highly processed and in a cardboard container.

    Case in point, my husband brought her a milkweed flower, which she (sort of) politely refused, and while she ate them, she kind of turned up her nose at the freshly picked strawberries we brought her one day.

    So, she asked me, "Do you eat anything someone gives you?" and I answered, "If I trust the person giving it to me."

    Then, I said I wouldn't eat mountain oysters.

    After this post, I'm thinking I might have to rescind my comment and give 'em a try. Care to hop across the pond and cook some up for us?

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  13. Wendy

    People like that! What can I say? I have to stop myself cursing their pathetic behavior, i actually pity them - their world is so small.

    I may well be able to drop by for dinner, i'm planning to be in Maine hunting rabbits on snowshoes (we'll be wearing the snow shoes not the rabbits) with another blogger later in the year.

    Keep well
    SBW

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  14. SBW,
    I had to snicker as I read your post. I have always pride myself as far as being the "open minded" type... but I have to say that may push the limits... perhaps if I didnt have to prepare them, I would be just fine. :)
    Thanks for such and entertaining post.
    -Leigh

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  15. That is quite a post, SBW. ;-)

    Hope to catch you State-side sometime!

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  16. leigh

    Glad you liked it, thanks for commenting, i only do it for the approval ;-)

    SBW

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  17. Tovar

    Cheers man, maybe later in the year, what are we having for dinner?
    SBW

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  18. Excellent writing on this one and I enjoyed it quite a bit. We fancy the Rocky Mountain Oysters...breaded testies dipped in coctail sauce. Gator isn't too shabby but I have yet to have it fresh. Fantastic post!

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  19. Coloradocasters

    Thanks. I really liked them, and one day hope to do a spot of gator hunting/eating with Albert the Chief Chronicler - i'll be sure to let you know how it works out

    SBW

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Please feel free to leave comments. I really enjoy hearing what readers think. The rules are the same as round my dinner table:

You're welcome to disagree, life would be way too boring if we all agreed with each other and we'd never learn anything.
I like to think that we're all grown up enough to argue every last point, right down to the bone, without bearing a grudge afterwards.



Come on in the waters lovely
SBW